Rizzoli and Smisles
by Zipzapperdoodles
Summary: The totally unbelievable crack story about how the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts... Aah WTF, just read it... ;)


The minute she did it she knew it wasn't her smartest move, in fact it was the only not so smart move she had made in her whole career as Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

First that thing told her (Okay, that thing said any words, but she just knew it would have told her if it could) to take it in her hands. That thing just flirted at her to be opened, and that thing commanded her _(she could hear it through the chaos of the murder scene)_ to smell it. And well, and that thing just did it itself and _swoopdeewoop_ toppled over her body. Well, actually down her cleavage. It was not as cold as Maura expected it would be.

..

It was the coldest winter since she was the Chief Medical Examiner in Boston, even inside the shop where apparently a murder took place was it freezing cold because the heater was off, and the body that lay inside the shop was stiffer than stiff, almost frozen to an icicle. So she had that stuff going down her cleavage, and she remembered that she thought, _'Hmmm not that cold..a watery substance, and it smells like...'_ And then she had taken a big sniff and everything changed.

The first time she did notice that there was something not as it supposed to be, regarding her normal behavior, was the minute Jane Rizzoli, the smart and very swaggering badass Detective of the Boston PD asked her a simple question.

..

"Hey Maura, wanna go to the Dirty Robber tonight?" Jane the swaggering badass of the precinct asked her friend the very sexy and always sophisticated Chief Medical Examiner.

Maura turned around to her swaggering best friend in the whole wide world _(and probably beyond)_. The biggest smile everyone had ever seen on her, graced her face with his presence and the sexy Chief Medical Examiner began to tap-dance like a professional while singing (a slightly too much out of tone)...

 _"I want to go to_  
 _and that is true_  
 _There were you go to_  
 _schnibbel dabble do_

 _I like swinging_  
 _in the morning bright_  
 _and keep on singing_  
 _all through the night."_

"Uh?" an extremely flabbergasted Jane said while Maura made her unexpected debut as a singing tap-dancer. Jane's mouth was so wide open that everyone could see her pearl-white teeth, and probably what she had been eaten this morning too. Her eyes as saucers so big stared at her best friend, and not so secret 'more than a' crush. "Maurrrrrrr..?" Jane asked her best friend.

Maura stopped her performance abruptly and held her gloved hand before her red-lipsticked mouth while the big smile on her beautiful, covered by makeup of an exclusive brand, freckled face never faded. In fact the smile was so big and annoying that it started to hurt a bit.

While both ladies still were impressed by the occurring tap-dance event, the people at the crime scene, who had witnessed the tap-dancing Chief Medical Examiner, clapped and cheered and a few man even called out their 'Bravo's'.

Maura had found herself again after she recovered from the first shock. She shrugged, the big fat smile still on her beautiful face and said casually, "Yes of course, Jane..."

Jane's thoughts were still with Maura's unexpected performance and she asked herself if Maura just needed to get laid again, or that it was just a for her unknown side-effect of the premenstrual syndrome. _'A woman's body is a big secret, but a woman's mind is an atomic bomb waiting for the right moment to explode. And Maura's mind is a very explosive mind right now! So you better be careful, Rizzoli'_

"Janie Panie, are you stille withy ozzy?" Maura sing a songed very out of tune, but at least it took Jane out of her ponderings and wonderings.

Jane looked at Maura, Maura came nearer to her, Jane grabbed Maura by the arm and whispered in her ear, "I think that you and I better go now. You are a little bit out of tune, and not only your brain!"

"Jane Mandarin Rizzoli!" Maura said loud enough for everyone on the crime scene to hear, "You try to seduce me?" The rest of her sentence she whispered back just for Jane to hear, "To go to bed and rest. Arghhh, You don't love me anymore.." She made a whiny face now, with her lips curled in a big fat smile. Which made it Maura's face a bit grotesque to look at.

Jane reacted, out of surprise a little bit louder than she normally would have, "Of course I love you, Maura!"

"Ha, we knew it!" she heard her colleagues mumbled, loud enough to reach Jane's ear, "They are really lesbians!"

Jane's face became a nice shade of red, more out of anger than out of anything else. She turned around to the few men from her department that were present, "Keep your fucking dickheads you slimy morons, or I'm gonna kick some balls!"

"Yep, we always suspected she didn't like our private parts!" a very brave officer said and the cheering began.

Dick, Bill, John and the rest of the fun-birds that were Jan's colleagues began to scan and sing...

 _"We have balls_  
 _you wanna kick_  
 _wanna see my nice big dick_

 _No, my dick is junk for you..."_

"What the fuck happens here!" a loud voice came from out of nowhere.

"Oh my God, God calls us!" a 'wanna-be funny' Detective said.

"Noooooo, when I'm finished with you, you wish you are with him!" the chief of Jane's department scolded.

"Sir?" came the timid voice of Maura Isles the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, "Jane takes me home now and tucks me into bed. And when I'm a good girl I may even get a goodnight kiss!" She smiled brightly at him.

Jane slapped her hand on her forehead, took the thing that started Maura's more than strange behavior out of her hand and gave it to Maura's head criminologist Susie Chang. She took the wide-smiling Maura by the hand as if she was an unmanageable child and dragged the very strange acting Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts to her car. "She's feeling NOT well, sir. I take her home!" she shouted in the direction of her boss.

And while Jane dragged Maura from the crime scene into Jane's car and drove off to Beacon Hill, Sean Cavanaugh chief of Jane's department heard the newest developments of the love-life of both ladies.

..

In the car towards Maura's residence in Beacon Hill, Maura kept entertaining the now very stressed Detective Jane Rizzoli with several singing-performances like, 'Singing in the rain', 'I've got you, babe' and of course Jane's absolutely favorite _(Yuk!)_ : Aqua's 'Barbie girl'...

Well, at least Maura was very inventive in changing some lyrics from 'Barbie girl', which made the trip a little bit bearable _(not!)_ for poor Jane.

 _"I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world_

 _My boobs aren't plastic, and fantastic_

 _I can see you stare, wanting my boobs bare_

 _Imagination, doing me at the station.."_

 _Come on, Janie_

 _Grab my Boobies_

 _la la la laaaa_

Before the lyrics could get any worse they arrived at Maura's residence, much to Jane's delight. One more sentence with 'Boobs' in it and she would surely lose her composure and do just what Maura asked her to do in her self-made lyrics.

Inside Maura's house, she took both their jackets and hang them in the wardrobe. Maura only stood there with that big fat smile on her face and now and then she made a move that looked a lot like a dribbling with her feet right on the spot. She would put Diego Maradona to shame with the graceful moves her sexy body produced in the short time before Jane approached her somehow strange acting best friend.

"Maura," Jane finally said to her best friend and her face was one of deep concern, "what happened to you?"

Maura smiled and told about that thing at the scene and the effect it same to have on her behavior. Although her smile said otherwise, her voice was sadly sad and became sadder as she sat on the couch and Jane sat beside her and said, "How could you be so unprofessional, Maura!"

Big, warm and very salty tears streamed down Maura's lovely and smiling face and Jane could take it anymore and hugged her thigh, no she hugged her tightly, and said in a soothing voice, so soft that Maura could barely hear her speak. "Your staff will determine what that thing is and then everything's gonna be okay."

"I..I..I think I know what could help" Maura muffled voice came, "We had a case similar to that in Africa once when I volunteered for the doctors without borders."

"Yeah?" Jane said, and her voice sounded hopeful.

"Yes, " Maura said, "and I need you to help me!"

"Always!" Jane said without hesitation, what can I do to help you."

Maura whispered shyly in Jane's ear what to do.

"You think?" Jane asked her.

"Yes, I'm positively sure.." Maura answered.

..

 ** _Three hours later - Maura's bedroom..._**

Maura still wore a big fat smile.

Jane's wore a big fat smile too now.

"Whoopa do doopa" Jane said.

"Doopa di day!" Maura answered.

###


End file.
